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Lady Gaga Meets Varney the Vampire

To celebrate Mediabistro’s upcoming Media App Summit, we are hosting The World’s Longest Literary Vampire Remix writing contest.

With the help from writers around the country, we are rewriting Varney the Vampire–a bestselling vampire novel from the 19th Century filled with enough star-crossed romance, vampire action and purple prose to inspire another Twilight trilogy.

Below, read an entry from GalleyCat reader Tasha B. that combines the music of Lady Gaga with the Victorian vampire…

“Flora Awakens” by Tasha B.

(Sung to the tune of “Telephone” by Lady Gaga)

The morning now was coming fast, and just as Henry

thought he would partially draw a blind to see-see

A-a-cross the window, and to shield his lady

From the rays of the sun; Flora, she wakened.

Help! Henry

Help! Henry

From the rays of the sun;

Flora, she wakened very doleful, doleful

“You are safe, Flora, you know that you safe.”

Henry said although he did not know such a thing.

But Flora thinks it’s somewhere else

The dreadful apparition.

Stop raving! Stop raving! I don’t want to think anymore.

My brain’s on fire and I’m perpetually mis’rable.

Stop raving! Stop raving! He comes on the wings of a storm

My brain’s on fire and it’s most horrible! — horrible!

You can hark all you want but there’s no one home

And Henry’s not going to believe you saw a figure of folklore

You can ring all you want but there’s no one home

And Flora’s not to going to seem normal, normal.

Wh-what was it, wh-what was it, Henry do you think?

Wild conjecture won’t help with such a thing.

I’ll consult with someone else and see what he thinks.

The vampire can’t get to me cuz I’ll be outside.

He found Mr. Marchdale up and dressed,

and apparently in deep and anxious thought.

The moment he saw Henry,

he said, —

Tasha B. is an art historian and bibliophile who loves vampires.

Filed under lady gaga varney the vampire literary vampire remix

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